Wednesday, May 26, 2010

I Am an Island

Wow, it's been a month since I've posted anything.  My last post alluded to my "screw the world" attitude, and that's probably the reason why.  My mood has been good overall; I've had a few down days, but nothing too significant.  I've just gotten used to being alone, and so I haven't felt the need to share anything.  I guess that has its advantages and disadvantages.  I get lonely sometimes but I have learned to rely on myself for my happiness and not be dependent on other people to feel good about myself.  I don't put up with crap from "friends" anymore since I don't really need them.  

I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.

I've found activities that I can enjoy on my own:  reading, hiking, going for walks, etc.  I've focused more on the people that matter...which is mostly family.  I've been a lot less social, have skipped activities that I used to look forward to, and haven't made much of an effort to meet new people.
I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
It just seems like everyone around me lets me down.  Someone I consider a close friend let me down hard yesterday.  Before I would have ignored it or excused it, but this time I confronted him on it.  He apologized, but for some reason it didn't really mean much.  Before I would have been sad and depressed, but now I'm sad and angry.  It's easiest just to withdraw.  And if I don't have friends or meet anyone to crush on, I won't get hurt.  The only thing I want to make sure of is that I don't withdraw from the people that truly care about me.  I know there are a couple of them, and I want to make sure I don't push them away.
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I have some book reviews I want to post, but I think I'm just going to stay away from "feeling" posts for awhile.  I don't want to feel anymore.

Clicky Web Analytics