Monday, August 31, 2009


So I had an interesting conversation on facebook with a friend (meaning, in this case, someone I went to school with and was in the same ward as me, but haven't talked to her in years other than on facebook)today:

Friend: ok..I am just going to flat out ask you now instead of beating around the bush....are you gay? We have a mutual friend who asked me if I know and I did not know but they were afraid to ask you...

Me:(wondering how does one respond to that?) hmmm..... who's the friend?

Friend: lets just leave it that it is someone from the (xx) ward who is a mutual friend on facebook...

Me: (perturbed but somewhat amused) well, he/she is welcome to ask me him/herself, rather than gossiping about it

Friend: They will never ask you because they do not know you that well...I told her that I would ask you because I felt like I could and that either way it did not matter to me. Friends are friends no matter what in my opinion

Me: if they don't know me well, why do they care?'s a sensitive topic, and i hate being the subject of gossip

Friend: no..I understand where you are coming from..I am the same way. For what it is worth..she only asked me on Friday. She just knows your parents more than she knows you and was curious I guess. I told her that I felt like I could ask you.

Me: (sarcastically)'s all good. is there anything else he/she wants to know?

Friend: no..I think they already think they have it all figured out. In my mind..who's all good!!!

Me: yep...but when you pass on the info to the secret person, tell them i find it interesting that they can know intimate details about my life but I can't know who they are...and that they shouldn't assume anything about me

My reaction kind of surprised me. I'm not out to everyone, but I generally don't hide who I am. I don't really care if people know I'm's not something I'm ashamed of anymore. At the same time, I'm a pretty private person and don't usually volunteer information that isn't asked for...I keep the girls at work guessing, since they know I'm a dad, but also that I like cooking, fashion, shopping, and know next to nothing about sports. But back to my reaction...usually, if asked, I won't deny that I'm gay. This time, just the way it was asked, really pissed me off. For someone that I haven't talked to in years to ask about something so personal, because someone that barely knows me wants to know, just rubbed me the wrong way. Am I right to be upset? Or does it mean I'm not really as comfortable with myself as I think I am? Something to think about...


Anonymous said...

I know how you feel, buddy. I have had an experience like this and as much as I love being the center of attention, I was ready to go ninja on the gossipers that were passing around info about me. Easier said than done but, don't let it get to you. These things happen. We can only hope to have control over who we tell, when we tell, etc. Doesn't work out that way though. Doesn't mean you're not comfortable with yourself.

Hidden said...

I think you're completely validated in the way that you feel and how you reacted. Even if they don't know you so well, if someone wants to know something about you, they should have the balls to come to you and ask outright, not try and get the information from someone else.

Anonymous said...

After sleeping on it, I think you need to find the person and drop kick him or her in the face.

Rob said...

What Hidden said. You reacted normally to an impolite, nosy gossip who didn't have the guts to ask you something intrusive face to face.

Unfortunately, I've seen this kind of behavior far too often in the church. So many Mormons seem to unquestioningly assume that shared church membership gives them the right to do and say and ask things that would seem unthinkably rude in a non-LDS context.

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