Wow, it's been a month since I've posted anything. My last post alluded to my "screw the world" attitude, and that's probably the reason why. My mood has been good overall; I've had a few down days, but nothing too significant. I've just gotten used to being alone, and so I haven't felt the need to share anything. I guess that has its advantages and disadvantages. I get lonely sometimes but I have learned to rely on myself for my happiness and not be dependent on other people to feel good about myself. I don't put up with crap from "friends" anymore since I don't really need them.
I've built walls,I've found activities that I can enjoy on my own: reading, hiking, going for walks, etc. I've focused more on the people that matter...which is mostly family. I've been a lot less social, have skipped activities that I used to look forward to, and haven't made much of an effort to meet new people.
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
I have my booksIt just seems like everyone around me lets me down. Someone I consider a close friend let me down hard yesterday. Before I would have ignored it or excused it, but this time I confronted him on it. He apologized, but for some reason it didn't really mean much. Before I would have been sad and depressed, but now I'm sad and angry. It's easiest just to withdraw. And if I don't have friends or meet anyone to crush on, I won't get hurt. The only thing I want to make sure of is that I don't withdraw from the people that truly care about me. I know there are a couple of them, and I want to make sure I don't push them away.
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.I have some book reviews I want to post, but I think I'm just going to stay away from "feeling" posts for awhile. I don't want to feel anymore.
If I never loved I never would have cried.