Monday, April 11, 2011

Update and crushes

Well, I haven't blogged for awhile (obviously).  I guess that's probably because things have been going pretty well, and since a lot of the time I use my blog to vent, I haven't needed to write anything.  I don't know that my life is any better than it has been in the past, but lately there are definitely more good and neutral days than bad days. I have 3 awesome roommates and we get along well. And spring is almost here!

I kind of want to write about crushes.  As usual with my blog, this will likely be fairly disorganized since I'm just kind of putting my thoughts on paper (well, computer) as they come.  Lately I've been crushing on guys more...I think this is probably a good thing, since it probably means I'm over Mr. Doofus Face who stole my heart and kept it hidden away for awhile (hahaha sorry sir, since I know you sometimes read this blog).  The thing is....I've decided I hate crushes.  It's kind of fun when I first start getting to know a person and start sort of liking them, but after that comes the overthinking and insecurity and awkwardness and trying not to be overbearing.  And ultimately, the rejection.  I had one crush where I liked the way it was going...I was confident about it and didn't project any negativity, as far as I know.  And I was successful in not getting emotionally attached to the guy. But then the guy got distant and disappeared...no clue why. I guess it wasn't meant to be. Sometimes I really hate trying to meet people. Trying to find my Prince Charming (for me) is like looking for a needle in a haystack, even though it seems so easy for other people. But if I give up and stop looking to avoid the rejection and negative feelings I'll never find what I'm looking for. And I'm highly pessimistic that he'll just fall into my lap, hence the need for being proactive.

I'm crushing on a new guy that I've been talking to for about a week.  We seem to have alot in common, although there are some big differences also.  I enjoy talking to him and my introvertedness hasn't been a barrier, which I take to be a good sign.  But now I'm starting the negative phase, second guessing myself, overthinking things way too much (am I texting him too much? or not enough? why would he even want to consider giving me a chance? is it just all in my head that there's a possibility there? he hasn't texted me today, what did i do wrong? i'm way too old anyway. etc, etc.)  There are a couple of other guys that I would also really like to get to know (one just to be friends with, the other friends also but with the potential for more) , but for some reason they intimidate me.  I've only interacted with them briefly on facebook (friends in common, comments on posts, that kind of thing). I've texted a bit with one of them, and I've tried to engage the other one a bit more with limited success. I'm sure I'll have the chance to meet them in a social situation at some point (and I actually don't think I'll have a problem doing that) but it just bugs me that I feel intimidated by them. Stupid social anxiety.

2 comments:

MOHO IN VEGAS said...

You'll meet him one day. I just know you will. You have such a great heart and I am glad you're my friend. :D

ControllerOne said...

Great to see you post. Crushes. To paraphrase from Sixteen Candles, one of the three quintessential movies of my high school days: "Of course crushes hurt. If they didn't they'd call them something else."

I had many crushes in high school, although in my day I couldn't really admit that's what they were because any day I was going to start liking the girlies. I just thought I was more "connected" emotionally to other guys than was typical. Ha!

The point of telling you that is that man do I wish I'd have done something about it. I wish I could regret having tried and been hurt than never to have tried at all.

Keep the posts coming. Again, good to hear your voice.

 
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