I like to make fun of Boskers, and this will be a Boskers-style post...short bits about a few different topics. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right?
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This weekend was really good, actually one of the funnest I've had in awhile. New Year's Eve was somewhat marred by family drama, but I'm not a big New Year's person anyway (see below). I don't have that many friends, but I got to spend time with two of my closest ones this weekend. Friday night i went up to R's and watched a movie, helped him clean (by supervising on the couch), and then just talked for awhile and fell asleep. Nothing too exciting, but I felt really comfortable and accepted, and it was fun to just talk and laugh and all that. I love you, R :) Saturday went down and met S at his parent's house. For some reason I felt really awkward at first. It wasn't his parents; they weren't there and I've met them before anyway. It wasn't his nana, she is the cutest little thing ever hehehe. I think it was because it was a new place and the house was so nice and big. It was weird that I felt awkward....I'm really comfortable with S. Social anxiety is just a strange thing, I guess. Anyway, two other friends got there and I felt better. We planned to go to a hot springs close by, but when we got there it had just closed for the night and we would have gotten yelled at if we snuck in. So we just went back to the parentals house and watched a movie. Again, nothing too exciting, but it's what I love...just hanging out and being with friends, talking, and not necessarily doing anything special.
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Church today...ugh...early church now. I'm going to miss my lazy Sunday mornings. Sunday school was an introduction to the Old Testament, since that's the topic for this year. The focus was on us being children of God and that he loves us. With the emphasis on the US...we, the ones at church, are children of God and he loves us because we're there following the commandments. It's important for me to remember that I'm a child of God, because then it will be easier to resist temptation and not get discouraged. Ummmmmm....probably true. But it's so much more than that. I wanted to raise my hand and say that it's just as important to remember that OTHER PEOPLE are children of God also, and that God loves everyone. Even the drunk guy stumbling out of the bar, the 16-year-old pregnant girl sitting next to you on the bus, the woman at the fast food place that barely speaks English, and the crazies that think everyone should have access to affordable health care. Oh, and me, the gay guy on the back row. Yep, God loves me too. Understand that, people, and there would be alot less judging going on!!
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New Years....I'm not a fan. It's just an arbitrary day. And just like being thankful only at Thanksgiving and giving only at Christmas, I find it dumb to make resolutions only at the beginning of the year. I want to make changes when I need to and work on it all year long. And why all the focus on changing? Where do you draw the line between changing and accepting yourself or your situation for what it is? My motto is generally "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." I could keep trying to change my sexuality, set goals, etc...or I could accept myself for who I am. I could go out and try to meet tons of new people and try to get everyone to like me...or I could value the friends I have and strengthen those relationships. I could strive for more money or power...or I could be happy with what I've got. Idk, it's probably somewhere in between. It's good to identify things to work on or make better, it's good to have ambition to better your life or your situation...but it's not good to have unrealistic expectations, set yourself up to get hurt, or focus on the future so much that you don't have time for the present.
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I kind of feel like this post has a negative tone to it. I don't mean for it to be that way. If there's one thing I want to get across, it's that I'm thankful for friends and others that accept me for who I am. Alot of times I feel like an anomaly, even in the gay world, and even in the moho world. I don't like always having to prove myself, always having to look good, always needing to impress. I just want to be me, and not have to seek out recognition for it. Of course, I DO want to be recognized for who I am, I just don't want to have to do all the work :) So I appreciate and value the two friends I spent time with this weekend, and the other one that lives far but who I talk to every day. They don't care too much that I'm goofy-looking and a few years older. They like me for me, and show it through their words and actions. Basically, they rock! :) (awww, I got kind of teary-eyed!)
GAYS NOT WELCOME
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I have been slowly working my way back. Spending time with missionaries.
Going to Church.
Really valuing what I had lost. I thought it was working. I thou...
9 years ago
4 comments:
Speaking of teary-eyed, Bruce got a little misty when we watched Avatar. Don't tell him I said that...
Great post. Next time, be sure to raise your hand in Sunday School. What you said needs to be heard and taken to heart. Happy 2010.
I always like your post, I don't think you should apologize about any negativity, especially since there is always such insight and most times you share the less than positive experience so we can share your insight. Like you said, be yourself, you are awesome the way you are.
You know, I often have similar problems with Sunday School, and I want to raise my hand and bring up a valid, but contrary, point. Usually, though, I try to remind myself not to take offense, that the teacher is probably making a good point, and I sit and think about how I can apply it, instead of reminding myself that the opposite point is also true. That's just what helps me not go crazy and tear my hair out in Sunday School. Sometimes, when I feel like I can say it nicely, I raise my hand and give the other side of the coin, but only if I feel it won't disrupt the lesson. Otherwise, I just bask in my self-righteous conviction that I'm ever so much more deep than everyone else in the class, the sheeple!
Joking.
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