Sunday, December 20, 2009

What do I need to be happy

This is not going to be a well-thought-out post. Just warning you. I've been feeling a mild level of suckiness for the past week or so, and it's wearing me out. It's probably just the holidays and the winter blahs. But it's honestly exhausting trying to put on a happy face every day and push the negative thoughts out of my mind. Why can't I just snap out of it, or decide I'm not going to feel that way any more? I guess my brain just doesn't work that way.

Things that would make me happy:
Having the boy I like like me back
Being able to stop liking the boy I like
Finding someone else, or even better, having them find me
Having more close friends, and not having to work so hard at keeping them
Not having to work so hard at finding friends
Being more outgoing
Being more attractive (yeah, guys stop talking to me once they see what I look like)
(dang, this list is making my eyes watery)
Having just a teeny bit more money, so I'm not living paycheck to paycheck
Being closer to my family
Waking up every morning next to someone that loves me for who I am
Having my mom and dad tell me they love me for who I am
Working at a job that I'm excited to go to every day
Having the boy I like like me back
Having the boy I like like me back

The sucky thing is that most of these things are out of my control or dependent on other people. 

Things I already have that make me happy (late Thanksgiving list?):
Sun and blue sky (sometimes)
When Mike texts me to say good morning
When Steve leans on me for support
my phone (G1 woot woot)
three family members that love me unconditionally, for now
the rare occasions that the boy I like texts me before I text him first

Anyway. I'm headed to bed. Sleep usually clears my head and helps me to start afresh.


Michael said...

David I am so glad you are my friend. These last few days have just been so hectic and abnormal with work and my social life that my phone has not even been getting used much because I have been going going going. But even if I don't send you a text every 10 seconds know that I do love you and am glad we are friends, and can't wait till I move back up there and we can hang out. Sleep well my friend.

Anonymous said...

When do you want to watch Juno? [gigantic hug]

Ben said...

I relate to the friends deal. Friendships can be exhausting, yet they are completely necessary. I think it has a lot to do with personality. You mentioned that something that would be totally obvious and easy for an extrovert takes a ton of effort for you. I'm the same way. And often it goes wrong despite the effort. When will introverts ever get a break?! Haha. Keep going, working at it, dude! And hold on to those things that make you happy/grateful.

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