Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Misunderstood, a Bible Verse, and a Couple of Books

I've had a few topics for posts bouncing around in my head for awhile, but I haven't gotten around to writing them.  So I'm just going to squish them together into one post and not elaborate too much on any of them.  Okay, wait, I changed my mind...lol...I'm going to do 3 mini-posts separately.  So read all of them and comment!! :)

A couple of weeks ago I wrote to an acquaintance and asked him point-blank, "What made you blow me off after we met and not want to be friends?"  I was over the somewhat hurt feelings of extending a hand of friendship and having it rejected, and wasn't looking for an apology or pity or a passive-agressive confrontation (and I told him this).  I just wanted an honest answer, and I knew (or at least sensed) that he was the type of person that could answer this question in a constructive way.  And he did.  He gave me some very good things to think about and helped me to identify some things I could change next time I'm trying to make friends with somebody.  I appreciated his comments and wasn't hurt or angered at all by what he had to say.  BUT....his answer basically came down to "the more I read your blog the more I realize how high-maintenance you are, and I already have one high maintenance friend and can't really handle another.  And I'm not really looking for friends anyway, I'm more focused on finding a relationship."  I'm summarizing alot, and he said it in a positive, non-offensive way. But it was kind of just one more strike against blogging too much any more, especially about feelings and emotions, and double-especially when they are negative.  This acquaintance knew me through my blog and based his impressions of me completely on what I had written, rather than getting to know me better when we met in real life.  I can't really fault him for that; I suppose I would do the same thing.  The problem is, my blog is only one side of me, and lately I use my blog as a therapeutic way to get my negative emotions out.  I vent alot and seem pretty emo sometimes.  But it's not all of who I am.  I do it partly because writing is very helpful for me to get my feelings out, and also partly because I recognize that friends get tired of hearing negatives all the time...and since I don't want to burden them by venting verbally all the time, I do it pretty openly on my blog.  In real life though, I'm fairly private with my feelings and when I'm feeling down and emo I withdraw rather than burdening other people and bringing them down with me.  But most of the time I'm a very understanding person, an attentive listener, a supportive friend, and fun to be around in my own nerdy/quiet way.  So basically, what I want to say is this:  if you're a regular reader of my blog and happen to meet me in real life, don't judge me just on my blog!! Get to know me in person! I come across as a lot more emo in my blog than I do in real life, I promise!!  Yes, I can be a demanding friend, but I do it with good intentions and I'm not going to burden you with all my problems! And I'm working on being less demanding!! </rant>


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