Sunday, July 11, 2010

Dear You

Dear You,

You don't read this blog as far as I know, so you're not actually going to read this.  Unless I decide to send it to you, which I probably won't.  I don't know, I don't think it would serve any purpose and just cause more drama.  But I need to get my feelings out somehow.  I'm giving up, and I want to let you know why.

When I first met you, I thought you were the awesomest guy in the world.  Heck, until very recently I still thought that.  You're still an awesome guy, but you're not the same guy you were when I met you.  That's natural, of course, everyone changes, but the more recent you is hard to deal with.  You're distant, you don't communicate, and you don't give any cues at all about what you're feeling or what I can do to be a good friend.  You don't give me any feedback at all when I share my feelings with you.  I have no idea what you're thinking, and sometimes I feel like I'm interrogating you to get any information at all from you.  I hardly ever see you or hang out with you, and I don't hear from you unless I initiate contact.

You claim it's because you're so busy and because of your living situation.  At first I went along with that, trying to be understanding, but I'm gonna call bullshit on that now. I'm never too busy for friends, and if they mean something to me I make time for them.  Even if I've had a hectic day, I still make time to send a text or talk with them for a minute.   If they want to talk and I'm busy I just let them know I'll get back to them later.  If they want to hang out and I can't, I suggest another time.  I generally know what they are up to and what their mood is, and they know the same about me. 

If I didn't know you for as long as I have, I would think you weren't interested in being friends or were trying to blow me off.  At this point I don't think that, but at the same time I don't know what to think.  I guess it's just you being you.  But I don't like you being you.  And that realization is what has helped me decide that it's not worth my time to keep trying so hard.  I never try to force my expectations onto people or expect them to change.  But for awhile now all I get from you are negative emotions...or what I mean is that interacting with you generally makes me more sad/mad than happy.  And that's not what friendship should be.  I find myself frustrated with you most of the time because of what I wrote communication, no time, no seeing you, etc.  I think the straws that broke the camel's back are the time I came up to see you and you basically made me feel like crap for doing it, and last night when you knew I wanted to hang out and didn't have plans...but when your plans fell through you didn't call me or let me know.  Not to be dramatic, but your actions scream "YOURE NOT THAT IMPORTANT TO ME!!"

So I'm done.  If I'm totally wrong on this and am just being insensitive and a bad friend by not being more understanding, I apologize.  But like I said, I have no idea what to think.  I'm not going to end our friendship, but I can't keep thinking of you as a best friend and hoping that you think the same about me.  It's too frustrating and I can't do it anymore.  If you want to try to save things, please talk to me and let's figure out how to do it.  If not, I would still appreciate some feedback from you on what I have said.  It would help me with closure to understand where you are coming from.  And of course we can still be texting and facebook friends if you want to.

Love forever,


Ned said...

Having had a few friends like your friend and having sometimes been a friend like your friend, I will share with you those two views:

1. To my friend who reminds me a lot of David's friend:

Dear _______, Can you believe that after all these years I finally found you again? When I friended you on Facebook, I didn't really expect you to friend me back. After all it's been more than a decade since we've talked. I eventually got the message that you weren't interested. It took me a long time not to think of you daily, but eventually I slowly let go, and you made it easy because you never followed up. When I was able to become more objective about our one-sided friendship, I realized I was the one who was interested in you and at first your were polite, but eventually your lack of doing anything to reach out to me helped me understand that I was wasting my time. But then you friended me back on Facebook. Wow, I've got to tell you that made my day, but I'm really glad we now live hours away from each other. I've gotten in the habit of not thinking about you, but when I saw David's post, it reminded me of you. Thanks for friending me. I realize now that it is as close as I will ever get to any kind of a real relationship, and after all these years, I'm OK with that.

2. To the more than one person who tried to befriend me, but I was unresponsive:

Dear __________, I hope you are doing well and sometimes I feel really guilty that I didn't follow up with you when you made it so obvious that you wanted some kind of relationship with me. I should have just told you, sorry I'm not interested. But I took the easy way out, the wrong way out, I just basically ignored you until you went away. I wish I had been able to handle that better. I wish I could have said, "You've called several time and I'm ashamed to say that I always made some excuse, but the truth is, I didn't feel comfortable with you, and I didn't feel comfortable telling you that. I'm sorry. It's really nothing personal at all, just one of those cases where there isn't a good match. But I didn't say that. I wasn't very mature, but you weren't very perceptive when you just kept calling and I just kept saying no. Oh well, maybe we both have learned something.

Ned said...

I just realized there's a number three that needs to go with the other two.

3. To my friends who are true friends.

Dear __________, So many times you've brightened my day with a message or a phone call or a visit. I'm so glad that we've built a solid friendship that has weathered the years. I'm glad that our friendship isn't a one-way deal. I reach out to you, you reach out to me. Sometimes we have to say no, but most of the time we find a way to say yes. Thanks for being there through thick and thin, through years of summers, winters, falls and springs. I had to wait a long time to cross paths with such a good match, such a good friend, but it was worth the wait. I'm smiling as I write this because it seems to me that the best part of our friendship is yet to come. I could be wrong, of course, but I don't think so.

Keaton said...

Wow...that was tough stuff. Did it get the response you sought?

Clicky Web Analytics