Things That Must Go

Time for a rant post...I'm not overly down or irritated lately, but I do feel kind of unfocused in general and wish life were moving a little faster toward something good.  So in the spirit of my favorite morning radio show, here's a list of things that must go:

• Jealousy.  It's my downfall.  I handle it a lot better now than I have in the past, but it eats at me and makes me bitter and gets the negative thoughts going in my head. If I could have God remove from me either being gay or being jealous, I would definitely pick being jealous. I hate it, but don't know how to stop it sometimes. It's likely a side effect of low self esteem.
• Being jealous when friends make new friends.
• Being jealous of people that have lots of friends and always have something fun going on.
• Being jealous of not getting invited to things, or feeling bad about not being able to go to things I do get invited to because of other obligations.
• Random mood swings.
• Crushes. I always seem to crush on the wrong guys. Ones that are too busy, ones that don't want a relationship, ones that are newly out and not sure what they want. Ones that don't appreciate me for who I am. And then I get hurt and feel down and question my self worth.
• PDA between gay guys, and gay guys that get offended when other people don't like their PDA (that could go for straight people too, though.) Just get a room.
• Friends that don't open up emotionally, reject offers of support, don't let me know I matter, don't text me if I don't text them first, and don't make time for me.
• Potential friends that are too shy to recognize that I'm extending my hand to them, or too guarded for it to go anywhere. And me feeling hurt by it.
• Superficial people that don't recognize (or worse, don't care) when people want to be friends with them. So many of these in the gay world.
• Friends that disappear, and then come back expecting things to be the same as they were before. I don't hold grudges, but wounds can form scars that take time to adjust to.
• Friends that, when I invite them to do something and they can't, don't suggest another activity at another time.
• Guys that don't recognize that I'm the perfect guy for them, even though I'm funny looking and slightly (just a tiny bit, we're not talking decades!!) older.
• Me being too sensitive.
• The entire Utah state legislature. Or closed-minded people in general.
• Cold weather.
• My ghettolicious car.

Ok. Rant over.