Saturday, March 13, 2010

A bunch of stuff

I have alot of things bouncing around in my head right now.  This week has been generally blah, but not for any specific reason.

Last weekend, with all I could have done, I ended up doing only one thing...hanging out with one (gay but non-moho) friend. I'm kind of taking a moho break, I think. Not on purpose, but now that I think about it, that's what I'm doing. I'm over the two moho crushes I had, mostly because they turned out to be not who I thought they were and really didn't make any effort to get to know me. I'm avoiding moho activities (again, not on purpose) just because I'm a bit disenchanted, I guess.  I feel like I'm too old for the college/BYU crowd but too young for the older guy crowd (if there is such a thing).  This paragraph sounds kind of whiny, but I don't mean it that way. I'm fine with it...I'm just accepting reality.  On the other hand, though, the moho scene has proven to be the best way to meet new friends, so I doubt my break will be very long.

But hanging out with my friend was awesome.  We just hung out and watched a movie, made an appearance at a "no-pants party", went back to his place, and then went to track down his drunk roommate after the previously-mentioned party apparently got busted (and who I was mad at for interrupting our cuddling!)

I'm stressed about my living situation.  I need to change it to save money.  My contract is up at the end of the month, and I've already given notice that I'm leaving.  One option would be to get a 1-bedroom apartment by myself (which doesn't sound like a money-saver, but it would be). Another option, which is what I want, is to get a 4-bedroom house with 3 other mohos.  We've looked at some places, but I don't know if things are going to come together by the end of the month. I won't be homeless if that doesn't happen, but I will need to get creative about what to do with my stuff. And I HATE moving...I don't want to have to move out of here, store my stuff somewhere, live in a temporary location for a bit, and then move again. But it would be fun to live with 3 low-maintenance guys.

This weekend was not too exciting either...I've mostly just hung out with my new best friend Redbox, because my closest friends have been busy with other things, and I haven't made the effort to look for a date or ask other people if they want to hang out.  Kind of like taking a break from the moho scene, I'm taking a break from people in general.  I'm done with wishy-washiness, excuses, and lots of work for not much benefit. I don't really want to make any new friends because it's too much work. I realized that I haven't been looking for people to date either, and don't really want to. Why bother? That sounds kind of cynical, but that's my mood right now.  I'm just focusing on the friends I have and maybe trying to get closer to friends that aren't close friends yet. But Friday night I hung out with family, and tonight I was on my own. And I didn't mind at all.

Thursday though...pure awesomeness.  On the spur of the moment I decided to take a friend some food (same friend from last weekend) at work. Disclosure: this is a friend I've been crushing on since I've known him, for about a year and a half. He knows it but doesn't want a relationship.  I've resigned myself to the fact that it's doubtful we'll ever be more than just friends.  If I said I'm over him I would be lying, but lately I've come to love him more as a best friend or brother than a potential mate.  But dang....I really do love him. Anyway, he told me to wait for him to get off work, so I just hung out at his apt while he finished and then we watched a movie.  We cuddled a bit, and by the time the movie got over it was way too late to drive home.  So he told me to sleep over, and we pretty much just cuddled the rest of the night as we slept.  The awesome thing, though, is that it didn't go any farther than that. Nothing at all to regret. I was in heaven. Ugh....if only he would recognize that I'm the one for him....

So I guess to sum up, I'm cynical but generally content in being anti-people for the moment.

I don't get many comments on my blog lately.  Is it because I'm too negative and people don't know what to say? I always appreciate constructive criticism or tactful feedback. I don't want to be a comment whore or blog just to feel validated by people's comments though.


A Gay Mormon Boy said...

Guess who else was at "no pants".... Sorry to hear about the inconveniences of the night.

El Genio said...

"I feel like I'm too old for the college/BYU crowd but too young for the older guy crowd (if there is such a thing)."

Welcome to my world, except I don't have all the moho stuff to go to when I want to branch out. Though with any luck I'll have a moho party in my near future.

Also, I think the dating and friendship cycles are fairly normal. Some weeks I just feel like Mr. Right isn't anywhere out there, so why even bother with all the garbage. Then other weeks it feels like I have a biological clock ticking down and screaming at me that I'll never have a family of my own.

Scott said...

Nothing wrong with not being a social butterfly. I tend to mostly be a "wallflower" even at my own parties! :)

Mostly just commenting to let you know that I'm reading and that I love you and consider you a good friend!


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