Friday, March 5, 2010

The birds and the bees / When it rains it pours

This week i get to go to a "maturation program" with my kiddo. One memory that stands out from my childhood is when i had mine, i think in the 5th grade. Parents were invited of course, and while the girls had their program the boys got a long recess. We were all nervous about what we were going to learn. Sex (and even puberty) werent talked about in my family, so the little i knew came from more knowlegeable kids. Anyway, when it was our turn we went into the room and my dad was already in there, so i sat next to him. He didnt really say too much, and i'm sure he was as nervous as i was. We watched a movie and had the program, and it really wasnt very memorable. What stood out though, was when it was done, my dad just said bye and went discussion, no asking what i thought, etc. I was left to digest the information on my own. It kind of sent the message that sex is not something we talk about, and that probably had alot to do with me hiding my gayness and never coming out to them as a teen. It wasnt to be talked about, so i was left to struggle on my own. I dont want to make the same mistake with my kids. We've never had "the discussion" but i've tried to be open and let them know that its nothing to be embarrased about.


If youre a regular reader, you know i tend to get down and lonely when i have nothing to do or no one to hang out with, especially on the weekend. Well this weekend i've had about 6 invitations to go do various things. (I also extended one invitation and was shot down). So i have plenty to do to keep myself busy, but silly me still finds a way to feel bad. Ive had to turn down most of the invitations because they conflict with each other or because of family obligations. So i dwell on the fun that im missing out on, i somewhat resent the obligations i have and wish things were more flexible, and i worry that people will tire of inviting me to things because i turn them down. I think about how i feel when i get turned down and figure everyone else feels the same way. And even if they dont get tired or hurt, it makes me more invisible like i talked about in my last post, and they forget to invite me the next time. I mentioned this to one friend that i had to turn down, and his response was "true dat." Not very comforting :(


Rob said...

I started talking about the birds & the bees with my twins when they were 7 years old. Basics. We got more detailed as they grew older, and now they know everything. We talk about it freely, nothing's off limits, not even jokes (within some limits of course). I told them when they start noticing the physical changes of puberty, tell me and we'll go have a big party because it's something they should look forward to and be proud of, not be scared or ashamed of. Personally I think this is a much healthier way to build positive attitudes and confidence and understanding and maturity, much better than what I've seen is the traditional conservative Mormon way of teaching kids about sex.

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