Monday, August 30, 2010

Antisocial, introverted, or just happy with myself?

Two of my close friends recently ended their relationships with their boyfriends.  Both of them are understandibly sad and feeling down and missing the person they broke up with.  When I started blogging a year or so ago, I was very dependent on other people to make me happy.  I hated being alone and even got panicky if I wasn't talking to or texting someone.  I felt down if I didn't have anything to do on weekends and felt like a loser for staying home by myself.  I took rejection pretty hard.  My happiness depended on other people, and even though I'm an introvert I felt like I needed to be at every party and get to know every guy.  "Needy" is a good word for what I was.  I feel like I'm different now though...I don't have to know what friends are doing every minute of the day, I don't have to fill every minute of my time to feel good about myself, and most of all I don't mind being by myself or just hanging out with family.  I usually tend to stay in more often than go out, and I don't mind it. 

My friends tell me I'm antisocial...I don't interact with very many people at parties, I don't have that many friends, and I don't look for opportunities to meet people. I don't "put myself out there."  One of the friends I mentioned above kind of made fun of me for not dating anyone recently.  I've kind of taken the antisocial label for myself, though, as well.  It's my way of coping with rejection and lessing the pressure of being an introvert in social situations...if I call myself antisocial then I can act that way and be okay with it.

The thing is, though, I don't think I'm really antisocial (although my friend says I'm in denial).  Asocial maybe...I don't interact with too many people and I'm kind of a loner. I don't care about having a million facebook friends and I'm perfectly fine sitting on the sidelines most of the time.  But I don't think that's necessarily bad anymore.  I'm alot more comfortable with myself now that I was a year ago.  I can spend time by myself and not have a panic attack.  I get bored and crave human interaction, but being alone doesn't make me depressed or sad (most of the time).  I don't need other people to make me happy.  I agree that I would probably be happier in a relationship, but it's not a must anymore.  When refuting my friend's assertion that I'm antisocial, I told him "Why should my happiness depend on other people? If I don't enjoy my own company how will others enjoy it?" For some reason that made him mad and he stopped talking to me.  But I truly believe it -- if I can't be happy on my own then I don't have a good foundation and I'm dependent on others...I might be happy when others make me happy, but when they're gone I don't have a foundation to fall back on.  I see myself as taking baby steps...I used to dislike myself but I'm getting more comfortable and happy with who I am.  There are still things I dislike about myself, but maybe as I get used to liking myself I will be more social and reach out to others.  So for now, although I call myself antisocial, I don't really think I am...I'm just getting comfortable with who I am and less dependent on other people.



Freeing myself from being dependant on others was one of the best things I ever did.

Great Post!!

Bravone said...

I think you're spot on saying that if you can't be satisfied alone, you won't find it in a relationship either. Each partner needs to enter from a position of health and strength.

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